Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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