I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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