I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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