Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
