FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
