i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
sex in a hospital.. check
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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