You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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