apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm passing your future prison.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
