this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
