I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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