I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
