How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
