So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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