Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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