please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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