Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
