He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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