i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
