I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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