I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
