just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
