Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
