I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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