I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
