Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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