Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
