2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
