I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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