she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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