Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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