4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
