Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
