I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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