there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
