Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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