i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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