FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
