There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
