Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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