what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
