And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
