dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
