just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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