There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
