Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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