There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
