New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So vagazzling was a success
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
