I just pynch a tree in the face
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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