he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
