Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
