i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
