if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
