I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
