got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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