i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
