I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
