Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The uberlube is also flammable
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
