First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
