dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have fence marks all over my body
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
