I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
