you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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